I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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