My first STD was from a foam party
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
