Yo dont text me then not text me
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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