A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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