my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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