tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
