Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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