I think my fart just growled at me.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
