turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
