Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
