just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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