I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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