My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
