Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
My pussy is not your playground.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I have already put on my inside pants.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
