Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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