you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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