based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
