my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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