she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
