So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
