cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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