So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
