I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
