Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He shit in the fireplace
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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