I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
