It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
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