so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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