If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
