dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
