Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
