I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
