He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
