ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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