she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Drunk is not a location!
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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