We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
