jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
