its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
