ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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