There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You can't motorboat a personality
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
