I'm jealous of your bromance
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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