Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
