I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
