thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
