two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
