I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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