hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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