What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
