two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
