u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
