you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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